Game reviews are back up!!!! (not that you cared)

2009-09-06 20:33:11 by slackerzac

First order of business:

Where have I been? Well I've been home over the summer from college and there isnt any internets back in Bumblefucky Pennslytucky, at least not a my house. Along with working at my wonderful paying job at McDonlds, I've been playing lots of video games so yes the hiatus is over and I will return to game reviews! Also I got me an original Xbox over the summer for free! And got me a few games for it so there. Some of you may have noticed (not likely) that I've been coming back on to the BBS since mid August. This is true, but with a combination of lazyness and getting resettled into college life that is why I am finally updating this blog reviewing any game I please.

Second order of business:
The fucking game.

This mounths game: Conker's Bad Fur Day

Who would ever thought that the last game to be released on the N64 would be about a rude, crude, and just downright nasty, red little sqiurell named Conker.

The Plot

The game starts off with Conker's girlfriend bending over in the midst of an aroebic workout and Conker calling from "The Clock and Plucker" pub. Saying that he's going to be home late because he doing a few shots before his friends who are getting sent off to war or something. Shortly after hanging up the phone Conker gets wasted, and after assuring his friends that he will be fine to get home he stumbles off into the dark and stromy night. Low and behold Conker takes a wrong path and ends up far from home and hungover. And then thats when you take over from there to begin an epic journey across distant lands (somewhat) and meeting interesting people, from a 40ft tall caveman, a weasel crime boss, a vampiric ancestor, a giant singing turd,to nazi teddy bears, and yes there is enough room for zombies. And in between all that there is no shortage of poop jokes, swearing, sexual inuendos, crude humor, movie references/parodies, and violence and gore then you can shake a stick at. (If that isnt enough to make you want to buy this game then you really are a heartless person)

The Gamplay

Conker's Bad Fur Day is gold ole fashion plat former with lots of timed jumps, huge bosses, large areas to be explored, and cash prizes (in the game). Also Conkers main weapon is a frying pan that he bats people over the head with, but the occasionally gets a special weapon to play with.


Yes, belive it or not Bad Fur Day did have some multiplay that allowed you to play with 3 of your close freinds.

*Note, the multiplayer about to be described is for the N64 version of this game, I have yet to own the Xbox remake.*

Lets start with War. In this game you play as either the squeirlls or the tediz (yes I spelled the latter right) and you objective is to destroy the enemy by either running around with the map gun ho with dual SMGs, cutting off their heads with a katana, or using any of the other exciting weapons lying around like the bazooka or flamethrower. And if thats not your style then you can pull of special ops missions by using the sewers to sneak into the enemy base and stealing there gas canister to launch a green gas attack that will kill anyone outside the central area or without a gasmask.

Next we have Deathmatch. This is pretty much what the title says, you run around and kill all your opponents weather there real people or bots, but you have the option to play as characters from the game (and even more with the right passwords). Now I wish to ask you this, have you ever been somebody in a game by peeing on them? Thats right when you pick the bunker level, which is in my opioion the best level for this, and you both go into the bathroom you characters put there weapons away and start to pee on eachother as the only way to attack in that area.

Next is Colors. Basically capture the flag with squierlls vs tediz but it is in a different map then War and its pretty fun storming the enemy base.

Now we have Beach. This one is different and really is one of the better multiplayer modes. You can play as either the french squirell civilians who are trying to get past the tediz base and get back Paris or you can play as the tediz to try and stop the civilians with you massive firepower. Both sides have there pros and cons. For instance the civilians have no guns for firing back at the tediz execpt a special leaver thats destroys the tediz in the base, forcing them to respawn and set up positon again but they out number and if you grab the pill bottle, out maneuver the tediz. The tediz have a sniper rifle, a rocket launcher, and a fixed 50. cal machine gun that zooms in. But there is only two tediz vs the 2-8 civilans and blindspots when the civilians get under the base.

Next is Tank. You control a tank (derr) and you objective is to retrieve the chemical weapon before your opponent does and then make it back your base and launch the weapon, killing any one on the outside ( actually it doesnt even have to be your base, as long as you get to a base you get points).

Next is heist. This one is a straight up Resivour Dogs reference, infact the color you pick is your name, Mr. Blue, Mr. Green, etc. In this game your robbing a bank with your fellow weasels in crime. But your all fighing over the same bag of money which results in having to hit your friends with baseball bats and shooting them with tommy guns. Comedy and broken friendships ensure.

Next is Raptor. In this game you can either be a hungry caveman trying to get a meal of raptor eggs or raptor trying to protect the eggs and get food for the young one. Personally I play as the raptor more then the cavemen as that you can grab people and haul them back to the nest to be eaten (or eat them yourself) and just for the factor of just playing as a raptor. Where as the cavemen do outnumeber the raptors, unless your team attacks in a group its really easy to get killed.

My overall opinion

This game is just great if you want a game thats silly in the adult standards of video games. By that I mean just down right dirty and gory but not in any attempt to be serious. Your life is not complete unless you have played Conker's Bad Fur Day. Get this game weather it be the N64 or the original Xbox remake (of course the orginal is better). And before you say anything about bad graphics because its old, fuck you, this game came out in 2001 and the graphics are awesome for the last N64 game. But as much as I love this game it does have a flaw, its only about 8-9 1/2 hours long but the trip is fun. So over all I get it a 5 out of 5 despite the shortness of the story mode.

Thats all for now, join us again for the next review and go ahead and leave suggestions for future reviews in the comments.


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2009-09-07 05:08:08

Heh, it's PennsylTUCKY silly. It gets too redundant if you say fuck in both words.

slackerzac responds:

I meant Pennsyltucky, just typed the F in by mistake.


2009-09-24 15:48:05

cool for you man